Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck. An arrow killed you, they would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way."
I didn’t go to college but if I did I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant 'cause “The customer’s always right.”
If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. "Well, I was lost but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament."
I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry," so it died.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to
wait."
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
I like the American-Canadian border, 'cause if you're walking on the border with a friend, and you push your friend into Canada, he can't push you back right away, 'cause first he has to go through customs. "What brings you to Canada?":[Points to the side] "That asshole." "When are you leaving?" "As soon as I regain my equilibrium!"